Lately, I have been stifled by fear centered around publishing my memoir. When I finally put my life out there, and in that great story, include my truth around the lives of others who have appeared on my path, there will be consequences. I have been working with my spiritual mentor, trying to uncover the cloudiness that hovers around my fear.
I have written a spiritual memoir from a place of peace and gratitude even when working through the most painful moments. I have found many opportunities for using humor to find that greater perspective which allows for compassion and honor of my own imperfections and those of others—that great inevitability we all share.
Yet I have been stuck. I have been caught in quicksand or the devil’s snare that is found in the world of Harry Potter. Yesterday, I spent the day in careful focus of my current state of heart, and I was surrounded by a playful string of events that stirred my courage once again. I found my eyes opened to three meaningful encounters.
Firstly, I read about people raising money for a dog they had never met who needed a life-saving surgery. Within several hours, the thousands of dollars needed for this little dog were made possible. I felt full of hope and joy and was reminded of the greatness of people—the beauty they are able to bring to darker circumstances. This breath of reality was the perfect medicine.
Secondly, I watched a video on YouTube about a man who gave up his cushy career and sold all of his assets to start a foundation against animal poaching. He inspired me with his words. They haunted me even, because they contained an important message—that putting your truth in the world is more important than hiding, for fear of becoming unpopular, chided, or shunned when your purpose or message is not the acquired norm of your own culture.
Thirdly, as I drove home last night, I saw a dark shadow in the road. The shadow turned out to be a large black bear. I’d never seen a black bear that grand, and certainly not that close to roads and homes, even in my rural mountain community. The bear moved into a nearby yard, and as he continued to move away, he turned for a swift moment and we caught each other’s eyes. The bear reminded me of the courage and integrity required in finding and following your own path. Sometimes hibernation is key until clarity comes. When the frost melts from around your clouded vision, you must charge forward, even in unknown terrain, and trust that you will meet yourself in a field of possibilities where your heart’s desire grows like wild dandelions.
I am inspired by the last stanza of the great Celtic poet, John O’Donohue’s poem, a blessing about decision making. It is my food for meditation as I claim my inner bear and dare to roll in a bed of wildflowers.